Saying Goodbye to some friends in 2016
2015 has been a really good year for me. I have sat today and wrote down all I am proud of, all that has gone well for me and also who has nurtured and supported me throughout the year and finally what I am going to let go of in 2016.
It’s like a closing ceremony to the year, a way of writing it all down and drawing a line under it.
As I was writing it I really started to consider relationships; mostly as I was sat surrounded by my family and chatting via messenger and WhatsApp with friends.
So what did I come up with?
Friendships should not be bloody hard work!
Yes, we all have to work at friendships and we have to give as much as we take but with certain friendships I have realised that actually I get sod all from them.
So goodbye to those friendships.
This year, my resolutions are easy:
- If I see a passive aggressive post on Facebook (you know the ones, the ones where people have digs about people without having the backbone to say it out loud) but if I see one and have to pause to wonder if it is aimed at me, then that person gets unfriended or unfollowed. Life is too short to be worried about whether someone likes me or not.
- I am stopping trying some hard with some people. I think we all have those people you really want to be your friend but no matter what you do, it just does’t happen. I read a quote the other day and it really resonated with me:
You are not for everyone:
The world is filled with people who, not matter what you do, will point blank not like you. But it is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. They are your people. You are not for everyone and that’s OK. Talk to the people who can hear you.
Don’t waste your precious time and gifts trying to convince them of your value, they won’t ever want what you are selling. Don’t convince them to walk alongside you. You’ll be wasting both your time and theirs and will likely inflict unnecessary wounds, which will take precious time to heal. You are not for them and they are not for you; politely wave them on, and continue along your way.
Light is the New Black : Rebecca Campbell
This made me think about Brene Brown and her talk of her “hide the body” friends. The friends who are there for you. Brene talks about not wasting your time chasing the other types of “friends”:
- the ones who feel shame for you,
- the ones who give sympathy rather empathy
- the ones who need you to be a pillar of worthiness
- the ones who are uncomfortable around your vulnerability,
- the ones who refuse to acknowledge that you are human and can make terrible mistakes so don’t forgive you if you do make a mistake, or
- the ones who only know how to connect by one-upping you
All friendships do take some effort but not so much that you end up depleted, If all you can only focus on is why a friendship isn’t working, despite all you try to do to make it work, then join me and politely wave them goodbye and move on.
Use that time and energy in a more positive way and focus on your people.
Find your hide the body friends. Find your people. That’s what I intend to do in 2016.
Have a fabulous 2016, that’s my goal. I am sat writing my goals now for the next year and what’s lovely is I already know the people who support me, nurture me and make those goals seem like an achievable possibility.
Whatever your goals are, have fun achieving them.